The Expendables 2

        These days, almost every movie is like a Board Question Paper. The pattern is set. From ads and promotions you can guess what you are going to witness. More so in sequels, where you can read previous year's question papers and go in with same kind of expectations. So, do those expectations meet in The Expendables 2? Yes. Do you get to watch a superlative quality of cinema? NO.

         The Expendables 2 knows exactly what it wants to do. It doesn't want to do much, and that's fine since it pretty much lets you know right from the first scene. I didnt think it would be possible to come up with a crappier script than the first time around. But the writing team including Stallone himself has done the impossible. It is much much crappier. Infact there is no story at all. Its just a All-In-One Action Scenes collection. And if you dont mind that too. Then you are in for some serious fun.

         Its one of those movies people will have extreme opposite reactions about. Some would call it a Blockbuster. Some would call it a Snorefest. Personally, I have grown up rooting for these Action Gods - Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Jason Statham, Bruce Willis, Jet Li, Van Damme. And when they come together exploding heads, resisting gunshots and mouthing over the top one-liners, I dont care about the logic. I just want it to go on and on. Its like you are served with your favorite noodles without spoons/forks/chopsticks. Yes, you appear foolish eating them with your hands. But the taste is as delicious.

Good Things:
1. Old-Fashioned Action : Do you remember the last action movie which had a single action sequence without any special effects, just pure Raw action? No? Neither do I. Here it has been kept uncomplicated, no CGI , no computers, just old-fashioned special FX and a bunch of 40, 50, 60 and even 70 years old actors who still can do action movies, believe it or not.

2. Jean Claude Van Damme : One thing they have improved from the last time around is choosing a proper Villain for these many human Superheroes. Van Damme excels in playing the Bad guy. With that Roundhouse Kick, he is still as awesome.

3. Chuck Norris and Schwarzenegger : I just love saying it, Schwarzenegger. Gets a meatier role this time around and PERFORMS. One conversation between him and Willis is in-itself ticket-price-worthy. But still one would have loved a lot more of him. Chuck Norris is also there. With a Chuck Norris joke! As always, ridiculous but funny (Please refer to the noodles metaphor)

Bad Things :
There are too many Bad things to mention through a bullet list. Shitty script, vomit inducing Dialogues, single worst performance of an otherwise great career of Bruce Willis.

There is a possibility (happened with me) that while watching you would think of it as being Mind Numbingly Awesome. Then you will walk out of the theatre overview the movie again and say to yourself 'What kind of crap was that?'. So, the best way is to treat it like having fun staring at that cute girl in the bus but never remembering her face again. Eat it. Spit it. Forget it.

My Rating :

Read More

Top 10 Movies of 2012

 Almost 8 months have passed in 2012. In terms of movies, this year till now has been like every other year - a shitty Salman Khan blockbuster, most of the inter-galactic big budget movies being disappointments (Prometheus, MIB-3, Battleship), some really pleasant surprises (Paan Singh Tomar, The Cabin In The Woods, 21 Jump Street) and a Nolan masterpiece.

 Here's my 'Top 10' list for the year.



10. Ted

Ted has
 - Mark Wahlberg's one of the best performances.
 - Some outrageously funny gags.
 - Mila Kunis.
 What more can one ask for! The idea of foul-mouthed magical teddy bear in itself is quite hilarious. Yes, the jokes are a bit hit and miss. But the ones those are hits are worth sitting through the misses.






9. The Avengers/ The Hunger Games

 On 9th position there's a tie between The Avengers and The Hunger Games.
 The Avengers was not as good as I wanted it to be. But the excitement just to see all your Heroes in the same frame is HUGE. It contains intense effects, a stunning cast and that rare yet decent piece of humour. Maybe like every other Marvel comics fan, I still wanted a little more.

 Just watch the Thor-Hulk fight and when The Hulk unsuccessfully tries to lift Thor's mystical hammer, I can bet your Geek soul will catch fire!

 The Hunger Games for those of you who dont know, is a cinematic adaptation of Suzanne Collins' best selling novel with the same name. Director Gary Ross understood that its not the Special Effects or the Pyrotechniques that make a movie work its the fascinating build up of characters (e.g. Gangs Of Wasseypur). Jennifer Lawrence acts well and is ably supported by others. So, move over the Potters and the Bellas I say, THG series is the next BIG thing!






8. Brave

It's hard to go wrong with a Disney Pixar animated film. Yes, its not as endearing as 'Up' or the 'Toy Story' series, but its good enough, brave enough. It has a nice twisted princess fairytale storyline and a strong message. Go watch for that little kid somewhere still *not coding* inside you.









7.Paan Singh Tomar

As they say, reality is stranger than fiction. Paan Singh Tomar is one movie you just cannot miss. Irrfan Khan on his very broad shoulders carries this movie along effortlessly. As you watch along, you gradually become attached to Irrfan's character. You become his well-wisher. You root for him when he runs, you feel bad when he faces injustice, you almost live his life with him. Tigmanshu Dhulia gets it bang-on for second consecutive time (his previous movie being Saheb, Biwi aur Gangster). You can watch this one just for those memorable dialogues.





6.The Cabin In The woods

 Turning the whole Horror genre upside down was something started by 'Scream' series. This movie masters that counter genre-exercise. Modelled as a Horror Spoof in the first half, then deconstructing it and actually providing a lot of scares in the second, this Movie was fun. Its fresh, innovative and wickedly entertaining.







5.The Amazing Spiderman


 I have always been a CRAZY spiderman fan. That mask, that web, that quirky humor .. it all fascinated me. And to see Tobey Maguire play it, was agonizing. This movie satisfies the spidey fans to an extent. To put it bluntly, its a more faithful version. Talented cast, stellar visuals and the absence of Toby-Kirsten pair make this movie a must watch.








4.Gangs of Wasseypur I and II

 Two of the best Gangster movies ever. What performances!! What Music!! All the characters remain etched in your brain for a long long time. It kind of had become an 'IN' thing to praise any Anurag Kashyap movie lately. I had hated 'No Smoking' and 'That Girl In Yellow Boots'. So I was irritated with all the hype that surrounded GOW. But Boy-O-Boy! This was some good shit! The incidents take place one after another at a breath-taking pace. Decades go by, eras change, weapons change, hair styles change, cuss words change but the intensity remains the same. For sheer rawness .. Watch! If you haven't already!







3.The Intouchables


 This highest grossing non-English movie ever, was lauded so much by the critics that it made me go in with those Arthouse expectations i.e. i-will-find-it-boring-but-i-HAVE-to-like-it zone. What I got instead was pleasantly surprising. It has got that Bollywood touch to it. Its all unreal, cliche, formulaic yet feel-good, entertaining. A heart tugging tale which leaves you with a broad smile towards the end.

2.Kahaani

The best Bollywood movie this year. Essentialy a one woman show by Vidya Balan, and what a show it is! Even if we leave out *that* Sixth Sense-sque twist in the end the movie is still gripping and commendable. I still cannot believe Sujoy Ghosh (Jhankaar Beats, Home Delivery, Alladin) has directed Kahaani.






1.The Dark Knight Rises


 Christopher Nolan might be the only director in the world right now who can
 make authentic, intense Superhero movies with complex plots. An ambitious ending to one of the best Trilogies ever (alongwith LOTR and Toy Story). Yes, we all missed the Joker, but barring that I think TDKR was THE ending this trilogy deserved.
 Even with so many brilliant actors on board, it nevers seems to get crowded and showy. I just hope the legacy is preserved now and no more sequels come out. As the fortune of wheels has only place to go after it has reached its zenith.




  I have not included any of the Oscar nominees (The Descendants, Hugo, etc) which released in India this year. Some movies which barely missed to make it to the list were 21 Jump Street, The Bourne Legacy, The Grey and Agneepath. Everyone has different tastes, its coincidental that two people have a common favourite movie. Forget top 10. So, expecting a lot of conflicting and diverging replies. :)

Read More

Ek Tha Tiger

Statutory Warning : I am not a Salman Khan fan

           

              Salman Khan movies are like your teenage bad habits. You know its shit. Injurious to your health. But you like something about it. You cant specify or name that *something*. And it is completely illogical. But you still do it. Yes, Ek Tha Tiger wil soon be the biggest money-spinner of all time. But like that interval twist in the movie itself (a crappy one at that) ... I DID NOT like it.

Lets talk about the good parts first....

Katrina and Salman - Both look drool-worthy throughout the movie. Katrina in that Banjara song raises the temperature to Chennaistic levels. Our bhai also takes out his t-shirt for a split second and you get to read a few pages of 'How To Arouse Women Just By Abs' book. Both act as good as they can (this topic is very debatable so I am not going there!)

Action Sequences - Movie starts with a jaw dropping action sequence. Although the super-slow-mo of cigarretes falling down and fading to reveal Salman's face is melodramatic. It adds up. Later Katrina also jumps in the action department and shows us its not only her belly that moves. It has its 'Hah this is just not believable!' moments but overall the action is impressive.

Songs - All the songs are hummable. I had liked Sohail Sen in Whats Your Rashee. Gradually but surely he has proven me right. After Mere Brother Ki Dulhan, ETT proves he is good. Laapata is the pick of the lot

Now towards the cringy part....

Story - If you take the overview of ETT story, there's not much to tell. Just put Agent Vinod and Dhoom-2's second half in a blender and you get Ek Tha Tiger.

Script - Anything barely moves in the first half. From the initial fight sequence to that *twist* just before the interval, there's one helluva long YAWN. The love story between Salman and Katrina is unfunny and dull. Second half has some acceleration but again the climax is unexpected and half-baked. I guess Neelesh Mishra and Kabir Khan were clueless how to end this story and so they shared their clueless-ness with us. And thats how we depart from the cinema hall.

Dialogues - Again by Neelesh Mishra and Kabir Khan. Seems like they went on a Dharmendra-K C Bokadia movie marathon for a few days and then wrote dialogues for ETT. Listen to this - 'Kutte ki tarah haaf raha hai, kitne cigarettes peeta hai' or this - 'Ye duniya hume jeene nahi degi hume apni nayi duniya banani hogi'. Now try not to laugh. Difficult, isnt it?

It woud be tough to comment on Kabir Khan's direction. Give a kid all the question papers he's going to solve in the upcoming exam, moreover assure him that in case he still fails he'd be ranked first. That kid would never study. Kabir had Salman and Katrina with YRF's backing.

All in all, these days the only key to a super-successful Salman Khan movie is to sign Salman Khan. You are thinking that the previous statement is idiotic? Completely illogical? Watch Ek Tha Tiger for plenty more :)

My Rating :

Read More

Rolling Out The Red Carpet

 Some things never fail to excite you. They Energize you. Amaze you. Exponentially more every next time. Like Mr. Sharma's daughter-in-law's character - to their every female  neighbor, opportunity to slam the junior guy on missing his deadline - to every team lead, facing Ravindra Jadeja - to every Batsman, etc etc. 

          There are two such things for me. Watching movies and Writing. But unlike every other ITian out there, I'vent got a lazy ass. I've got a lazier one. After five days of donkey-luggaging, weekends have been going by like Ricky Ponting's words. It has become impossible to do the only two things I care about. Yesterday at the office my colleague asked 'Hey why dont you write more often?'. I said 'I just dont get the time man'. He just laughed and said 'Ohk!'. And man, some cynical laugh that was! Like a proper, tight, necessitated slap on my face. I instantly decided it was time I needed to do something. You know, as Bruce Wayne once said 'A hero can be anyone. Even a man doing something as simple and reassuring as putting a coat around a little boy's shoulder to let him know that the world hadn't ended' (If you dont remember this line you wont be following this blog for too long :) ). That evil colleague turned out to be my Hero.

  To cut the crap short my ass has finally been upgraded from Lazier 1.0 to Lazy 1.1 and I have finally started a blog. Here, I would be writing my own Movie Reviews every week. Movies can be Bollywood/Hollywood. There might also be some special movie mentions/recos of other languages like Marathi, Telugu, Tamil, French, etc (Yes I watch a LOT of movies!). So yeah, if you are one of those every-saturday-at-a-multiplex guy, I surely can help you. Trust me given an opportunity we Engineers can even carry out a Heart Transplant surgery successfully. We would just google it you know! 

         I hope you stay Tuned. Cheers!  :)

Read More